The Top 3 from Row 3 - Part 2

After a thrilling part one, Robert takes us inside the van for part 2 of the classic series on the team sprinter van.


Me Trying to do the Maths on how many Ounces of Water Benny wants for this Rain Race..

Top3 Most Viewed Internet Pages in The Van:

  1. Bloomington VeloNews. This site is GOLD. It is an incredible troll tool not only to Indiana University Alum (Knappy & Bucky) for their Little 500 festivities but also Purdue Alum (RigU & Jerry) for their lack of Little 500 festivities. This website goes back far enough to prove once and for all, every rider on this team has rocked a mullet at some point.

  2. British Hill Climb Forum. We roasted Stephen pretty hard for having this tab open along with 32 other tabs when he went full Galaxy Brain before the Joe Martin uphill time trial. But then he won by 6 tenths of a second, so now we are all racing sockless, letting the charge run dangerously low on our Di2, baby powdering our chains, and filling our SLIME tubes with helium just as he did before the race.

  3. FirstCycling. This is considered "The Board." It is where you want to get the number 1 up and posted. The goal is to get an entirely highlighted page like Matthieu Van Der Poel.

Top3 Biggest Van Upgrades of All-Time:

  1. Storage Rack Built by Ryan's Dad. This one-day, hot summer project that we put off for about two years has probably saved tons of bike parts. We literally used to just throw the bikes in the back of the gutted interior and let them roll around at will. I would even leave the Garmin500 on to get some freebie miles. Now, there are 7 fork mounts all outdated for our new thru-axle bikes! We even have a front wheel net that doubles as a hammock for Benny when he needs to get his 12 hours of sleep in.

  2. Cruise Control Button. This recent addition actually adds excitement to a drive. Normally cruise control set a steady speed but this one jumps between 4th and 5th gear HEAVILY. This means whens you are running up on a roller in Rolla, Missouri, the van can go from a normal 74mph to a swift 92mph up the hill. It's a pretty impressive sight when the miles-to-the-gallon meter switches to gallons-to-the-mile.

  3. The Wheel Boot. This was another recent addition made possible by the nice town folk of Fayetteville, Arkansas who walk around claiming to own any unmarked parking spots outside any establishment in town that takes more than five minutes. Little did they know, we came PREPARED with tools! We actually couldn't manage to get thing off, so we are still driving around with it and the wallets are still paddded with $40 in them. Jokes on those local yocals.

Using All Chipotle's WiFi to Google: "How to Remove Das Boot"

Top3 You-Stole-It Items From Becker:

  1. My Water Bottle. Becker sets off every journey properly prepared for anything, with one water bottle. In fact, if the activity takes more than one bottle, consider him not interested. It doesn't matter the event or duration, its one bottle and it's his. This bottle has been known to change shapes and sizes throughout the journey that may be better suited for the situation. His situation. Filled up a 20oz with recovery mix? HEY, THAT'S MY BOTTLE! A 16oz with some sugars on a hot day? THAT'S.....MY....BOTTLE!!!!! I swear Becker sneaks in the van after hours and marks his initials on every bottle, you know, just in case.

  2. Sour Patch Kid's. First they're sour, then they're sweet. Becker is never sweet, I'll be real.

  3. Gummy Bears. You get the idea.

Top3 Least Available in The Van:

  1. Disc Wheel Crack Pipe Tire Inflator. With three time trial events per season and only one disc wheel to share amongst nine cyclers, iWould theorize this tool needs to be used at maximum once a year and I'm pretty sure iSee it every drive but on the day it is actually needed? Definitely no where to be found.

  2. A Cumulative 4-6 Ounces of Water From Each of You. There is always that guy who is making a bottle of mix but forgets to bring enough water and starts screaming for help during his time of need. He sits there with 2 scoops of powder slowly dissolving into 3 drops of water and contemplates forcing down this goop to get back his sugars.

  3. A 4mm Allen Key. The 4mm Allen Key. I've been known to jam in a T25 as a replacement. Then you get the excitement of replacing bolts later as well!

Top3 UnKnown Stains in The Van:

  1. Red Sticky Stuff by the Tool Bag. I'm going to go HOPE this is just carbon bike-part paste, but I have a strong feeling it was once edible. This may have been one of the bottles of mix that turned into paste and a frustrated individual just threw in the air out of disgust.

  2. Splash of something acidic on the ceiling. Could be hydraulic brake fluid. Might be hot sauce from a burrito. But it definitely is creating a free sun-roof here shortly.

  3. Sasquatch-Size Footprint on the Windshield. The World may never know.

Jumbo Cheeto's Bag and Course Profile Do Not Match

Top3 Pre-Race Claims that didn't Age Well:

  1. Jack ordering a Salad at Bob Evans. This one was particularly offensive. The night before a weekend Omnium in Chattanooga Jack dubbed himself the General Classification (GC) man because he had a time trial bike for the prologue stage. To stick with the trend of GC riders being ridicuously skinny, Jack decided to start his diet about 14 hours before the big prologue. This move might as well have been Lance's final effort on the Col de la Madone. The discipline. The sacrifice. Not even a butter biscuit or a slice of banana bread for this man! Not only did he get blasted in the downhill time trial, but he damn near missed the van ride home on the uphill day, dropping anchor and spending an extra 45 minutes begging for a ride up the mountain. At least he got his money's worth in terms of course time.

  2. Jarret trying to ride everyone's bike in 1 week at Redlands. This one was entirely Jarret's fault. Do well early in the stage race, then be stuck with teammates looking after you for the rest of the week. I've been told Jarret is so new and such a triathlete he often pinches tubes putting on different tires. It's disgusting. This led him to a variety of untimely flats throughout: early and often as one would say. At one point we had one bike that Jarret would start on, then have each of us on one of his spares he would try to get his gritty paws on at some point.

  3. John Becker starting Glencoe, a 2hr hilly criterium, with 2 water bottles. When I saw Becker filling up HIS bottle, followed by a second HIS bottle, iThought, Wow! This guy really is being a great teammate today helping someone else get ready for the race. I complimented him but he then stated these were both for him as he had intentions of being out there long enough for BOTH BOTTLES! The audacity...


Stay tuned for the third and final installment of the Top 3 from Row 3 Series!

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